People have said to me that I have done some pretty amazing things. I even had one employee ask me if there is anything I hadn’t done. My response was of course, ” I haven’t learnt to fly a plane, be my own boss, conquered my fears, ruled the world”. Ok some of these were facetious answers, and was deliberately meant to be so. However, it also highlighted to me that I have always rolled with the punches and got up fighting.
As a tom boy, I was more used to playing with the boys and coming home with scrapes and broken bones then worrying about hair, make up and looking pretty. As such I learnt some valuable skills, that I did not realise how invaluable these would be until I got older. I learnt to say what I wanted and why. I need x to make y happen. Without this x, a & b wont become a reality – are you able to help me make this happen. Many people I have worked with over the years have found my directness a little alarming, not only because I am a ‘girl’ but because there is no sugar niceties, no political motivation. It is simple, clear and explains all. I get told recently, by an international colleague, that my approach is very ‘German’ and lacks some of the English softly softly behaviour and fluffiness that some Europeans encounter whilst dealing with the UK companies. My comeback was simple; I was raised in the North East of England, on a council estate. My heritage has been built up after being pillaged by Vikings, Norse and Danes in the early years of the history of this country. These are things that have stayed strong in the culture and heritage of my roots. Straight talking, Honesty and getting things done. My colleague, nodded and smiled as we then went on to discuss language and cultural overlaps across continents. This does not mean I can’t do the more softly softly approach, and very often my job requires a more coaching and encouraging role to get things done. However, when in meetings with my colleagues, all of whom are male, I tend to hold my fort strong with clear arguments and requests of what I need to make things happen.
Am I not afraid I will be judged to be brash, rude, offensive, less of a women, bossy and domineering. Sure, but then my personality is, and can be domineering, and loud and brash,and why should I hide that. If people take offence, come talk to me I wont be offended. I will be upset if you ‘bitch’ behind my back and bad mouth me without discussing the problem with me first. That doesn’t mean I have not had people complain about my requests and my asks because I haven’t been ‘fluffy’, but such behaviours don’t come natural to me and I have had to learn them. So yes there is always that little voice that says shut up, sit down, don’t say that. Then I remember why I was hired. I was hired to bring contracts in line, and get them working. You can’t do that if you are going to shy away and be ‘bullied’ by the big boys.
Sometimes playing the political game is for the best? but not always. In a world where you are going to spend a minimum of 8 hours a day in an office, how much of yourself are you prepared to sacrifice? Don’t get me wrong my work persona is very different to my private one, but the one thing that holds true is if something needs doing I will do what it takes, regardless of the cost. If this means at the end of any day I can look myself in the mirror and be proud of what I have done, achieved, and I know that the reasons for my actions where right. However, many are held back from doing such things by fear?
What really is fear? is it of the unknown? the consequences of the actions taken? Failure? For everyone I have spoken to fear is that of the unknown, whether it be of failure, not performing, letting people down, consequences and reactions to your said action. My simple answer is everything is unknown until you try it. If you don’t like it at least you know. The same is true of jobs. If it’s not right leave, find another. There are plenty of jobs out there if you are prepared to find one. If none fit, then create your own and be your own boss.
The real answer to what is fear? is that it is our own inner demons and sense of worth and perseverance. No one wants to fail, or look stupid. But how do you know if you will fail if you don’t try, and so begins an every growing circle of fear. How do you overcome this? You take a deep breath. You know it’s scary and acknowledge that. You then focus on the positives, the excitement of a new challenge. You open that metaphysical door and walk right through.
If the worst case scenario happens, you pick yourself up. Wipe yourself down and start again. But guess what you just did? You stood fear down and you survived to live another day. Are you ready to do it all over again tomorrow?
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