Once upon a time, back when the Dead Sea was still only sick, women usually had extremely defined roles in the work place (when she was acknowledged and employed out of the home at all). She was probably single (many offices would not employ married women). She was likely in an administration or ‘grunt work’ type role. The Manhattan Project employed women as ‘calculators’ – running routine calculations on adding machines – but almost never as scientists. My mother worked for the UN and ‘retired’ very soon after she was married. True gender equality was unthinkable back in those days.
Things have genuinely changed. We do not accept pats on the bottom as standard (usually). We expect to be treated with the same respect that our male colleagues enjoy. And to an extent, compared to the past, this has happened. But there is still ground to be gained and still things that need to change.
I am not a strident feminist. I do not go looking for bias or affronts and I try not to take offence easily. You want to open a door for me? Knock yourself out (with the door, often). I have been given deeply inappropriate compliments (not often, but it’s happened – ask me about Clarence one day) but brush them off, laugh and walk away.
No, it’s not the obvious and traditional behaviours and biases that hold me back. Rather it is the subtle digs, the unconscious, undermining sexism that can keep us from true equality of opportunity and respect in the workplace, especially in traditionally male environments such as STEM and Tech.
Not long ago, I proposed a proposal. I had a solution to a client’s problem that I was confident would work. I mentioned it to my (male) boss, who recommended I run it past my (male) colleague. My colleague was at the same ‘level’. Admittedly, he’d had more experience with that particular client than I had. So was this bias? Another new employee was male and, from what I could tell (that’s important – my experience is coloured by my own biases and perceptions), he was not subjected to the same oversight. This is irritating at best and counterproductive at worst – after all, my colleague had as punishing a workload as I did – having to review my work only increased his.
That’s just one particular example – a tiny sample size and perhaps not representative. However, one only has to read other blog posts on the subject to see that micro-sexism and tiny biases are rife. We can’t all be imagining things (and, as a side note, that shows my own inherent biases – women are far more likely, I find, to qualify such statements with ‘but maybe it’s only me’ than men are).
I read an interview in the Financial Times. The interviewee is one of the most powerful, influential and successful women in marketing. A good deal of the interview focussed on what she was wearing (a red dress and heels), how she took no maternity leave and how she coped when her children were younger. Her capabilities and accomplishments were virtually ignored. In some cases, successful women are spoken about in the same way as a dancing bear is. How well the bear dances is immaterial. It’s simply remarkable that the bear can dance at all.
Next time you have a conversation at work, try to step back and listen to what you are saying. Count the number of times you say ‘just,’ as in ‘I just wanted to ask you a question.’ I recently read a blog post that pointed out how frequently women tend to use that word. It’s as if we ourselves don’t believe that what we are asking for is important. Listen to your male colleagues – do they do it as often? It’s not a question of ‘fault’ in using that word, but we have, I think, as women, been inculcated from childhood to believe that our views and requests are less valid somehow. Less important. And it’s not true.
Should women learn to speak more like men are said to? Maybe. To a point. Should men learn to listen and take note of the views (and needs) of others, the way society tells us women do. If they don’t already, they certainly should. This can only be a ‘good thing’ for both men and women. For society (in and out of the workplace) as a whole will benefit.
Science and technology (and, indeed, all the spheres of working life) have been immeasurably enriched as a result of the (too slow) employment and achievements of half the potential workforce. The talent pool has grown. This has been a ‘good thing’ not just for women, but for all of us. Blatant and obvious sexism and bias has undoubtedly diminished. But those little tiny digs, the almost unnoticeable biases are still there. And it’s time to move on. I’m not saying that we’re all the same – you are different from me and I am different from everyone.
But assumptions should not be made about my abilities and achievements based solely on whether my plumbing is internal or external (or based on which gender I present as or identify with). We hope positive change is still happening. I hope that my daughter’s career is not impeded by the fact she is female. I hope that the microaggressions that still exist are lessened or gone by the time she is my age. I doubt they will be entirely, but I am confident that we are moving in the right direction.
Written by Kate Gowers (@mattygroves)
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